I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Monday, October 01, 2007

What People Say

Since my diagnosis I am greeted by people with what has become a standard question "How do you feel?" I have a plethora of answers and come backs fitting my mood of the moment. On days when I am my unfriendly self, I might answer "About what?" or "Same as yesterday" or a curt "Why" with an underlining "Get away from me".

Other times, if I am not being a hateful child, I might work my way out of my uneasiness with a touch of humor and a soft "Better than I look and that is not saying much". Once that's out of the way, the conversation may (or not) continue on to a different topic as if the person asking breath a sigh of relief.

The  "How do you feel?" is a way of people to let me know they care. Unfortunately some might care too much since  they ask me every single time they see me even if the last time was less than 24 hours ago.

Although I appreciate their concern, their greeting serves as a reminder that I am considered different or an even bigger reminder that my health is a gamble.

However, when I consider their question against what other people have said to my face, I realize they are only acting out of concern.  The others leave wondering why they bothered to speak in the first place. Years ago, shortly after my diagnosis, a coworker undergoing a serious medical issue said "I feel bad for you, at least I have options". Another one said "It must feel like sitting on the railroads and watching the train approach." Those remarks caught me so off guard to this day I don't have a proper way of answer other than a solid "A--H---!".

We all have ways to express our feelings for others and the "How do you feel?" may not be so bad after all. I guess, with this as with everything else, it is a matter of perception and I see what I want to see in it. And I might just need to adjust my attitude and see it as it is intended, genuine concern from people who care.