I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Monday, January 28, 2008

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Why is a break up so hard for women? Do we grow so attached to a person to believe that we are not capable of functioning without them?

Is the ache of breaking up defined by the intensity of feelings regardless of our gender and just as hard for men as it is for women? Or are we simply afraid to venture out into new territory on our own without anyone to blame for our failures?

Breaking up is a personal ordeal not specific to a gender. It is the struggle of our wounded feelings coming to terms with the end of a relationship we had grown used to regardless of how beneficial it was to us.

Why is a break up so difficult? Does it not come when all efforts have been exhausted, when there is no desire to try anymore, when the bad outweighs the good, when love has died? Why then do we struggle with it so much? Could it be the frustration of having failed? Of not being able to find a common ground to function with the person who at one point captured our love, is it the frustration of not having the needs of our heart understood? Or is it the fear of having to start anew? Being forced to move on can be intimidating.

There are different kinds of break ups; there are the ones from a relationship that dragged on too long. Those can actually generate a feeling of relief. But the ones that are difficult to deal with are those that come unexpectedly maybe after one conversation that turns into a fight and while in that frenzy we realize how bad it has been and we compromise with our intellect and make a decision…or the other person makes it for us.

And then, there is the bluff break up, the one when we hope to scare the other person so that they change and fix whatever is wrong. And then…it becomes a real break up when they leave and we are left wondering if we could take it back.

And then reality sinks in when we find ourselves alone, wishing the phone would ring, wishing we could bring it back to the happy moments or wishing we could make the pain go away, wishing we could close our eyes and wake up feeling renewed or else not wake up at all.

But it is when our heart cries, when reason makes no sense, when there is no tomorrow, when all we want is the agony of the break up to go away, it is that moment that distorts our reason and makes us glorify the past, and a past relationship that was good enough to evoke strong feelings in us but also bad enough to end in a break up. And the hurting feels as it will never go away.

A break up is or can be devastating when the feelings have been intense but it also marks the beginning of a new era that allows for our life to expand into new horizons and to eventually be grateful for the change that it brings into our lives even though in the fog of the break up, our intellect and our emotions don’t seem to comprehend that opportunity.

The end of an intense relationship will always be painful for men or women and only time will heal the pain. One day, without knowing it, you’ll find that you have entered a new dimension. One day, you will realize that you are free again.

Time heals all wounds or it wounds all heels....You choose.