I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Meditation and Panic
Meditation came as a back hand tool to find healing at a time when I needed something to hold on to. There were no expectations, it was a suggestion. I took it.

The urgency of the moment demanded that I be good at it. I found a way to quiet my mind, to focus my mind on one point - the healing of my body. Coincidence or power of prayer or the actual channeling of energy brought about a spontaneous recovery.

The success of that initial attempt provided me with the, maybe unrealistic, hope that I could gain control of my body so I breathed the air in the morning, I chanted when I woke up. I focused on my chakras every chance I got. I used it for running, not that it improved my performance but it made me focus on the performance disregarding the process and its outcome.

For a while I vowed to dedicate a portion of my day to meditation, knowing the benefits of it, it would be insane not to make that simple discipline a part of my day. And for a long time I did.

Something so simple and beneficial should be so easy to do. However, distractions find a way to deter the attention and the desire to sit there and let the mind focus on one single point of reference. It is easy to let it wander, entertain other thoughts…

There is a time when I wish I did not entertain other thoughts. There is a time when the proximity of the unknown breaks my self control. When panic combined with periods of intense anxiety and fear can hit at any time from anywhere, with no warning. It hits, and when it does, there is no way out and there is only a need to run somewhere to somebody who could take that fear away. But there is no one.

Meditation is a strong medicine to calm the mind, if the mind allows its effects. Can it prevent the onset of a panic attack? Can it overcome one? Maybe but it can never replace the effect of a human hug and the words of someone who whispers "everything is going to be okay".