I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Friday, June 13, 2008

Deja Vu

I had an almost identical surgery 3 years ago on an almost identical weekend. It was a hot humid day, the day before the Classic 10K, just like this time.

But it was different. The surgery 3 years ago was a relief to 6 months of debilitating pain. Months of pulling over to throw up, months of calling screaming in pain to be picked up from work and many visits to the ER. The surgery was the answer. I still remember vividly waking up and seeing the smiling face of my friend. I can still hear her voice telling me I was “fixed”, the doctors had found the problem that had caused the unknown pain. We were happy.

Every day after, the days on morphine, the days unable to get out of bed without help, were still better than the 6 months prior to it. It was a happy surgery, and I proudly wore my 4 inch scar. My health, my life and my running improved with every passing day in 2005 and 2006.

And time passes and we forget what it felt like to start all over again, from the bottom up.

The similar surgery came on the same weekend but this time it was different. To some extend the surgery was an annoyance to all, there was no excitement in finding the solution to a problem – there had been no problem, this time it was a disturbance that got in people’s way including my own.

Back to square one. A slow recovery, a mandatory adjustment of plans, vacations and postponed races. And a slow insane wait for the results of the biopsy of what the surgeon felt was suspicious.

And time passes and we forget what it feels like to start all over again.

And I am starting again…not just physically. I have been wiped out before but I always get up, there is no alternative. It is only a matter of accepting what I have no control over.

It takes me a while to accept.... But I have accepted and I am on my way to recovery.

One day, it will all be good again.