I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Friday, July 04, 2008

K12

That morning he argued with his dad about the clothes he wanted to wear. His dad insisted that he should dress up, but he wanted jeans. I advised him to go with what made him more comfortable and he did.

Inside the gymnasium in the heat of Sunday’s afternoon, I saw him walking down in a long line of blue gowns. He had a nervous smile on his face. But as I looked at him from the bench tears blurred my vision. Patiently, we listened to the speakers and applauded all the High Honors until one by one the graduates were announced. He walked and received his diploma; 13 years of school were honored in that 20 second walk…

He threw his hat up in the air in a sign of happiness for the completion of his High School years. He was happy. I was happy, sort of happy.

I found him in the crowd and hugged him long and tight. I cried as I did. He hugged me back and didn’t let go until I did.

I cried wondering what I missed of his years with me. Wondering if he’ll remember the years I played cars with him, wondering if he will forget the times I lost my patience with him. Wondering if he noticed the times when I was too involved in my own issues to be more with him as I should have been, wondering if he will be back for his annual walk in the City with me.

My son officially started his own life when he received his diploma. I will be his background, his foundation and his acquaintance and forever his mother. And I will always wonder what I missed. And I will always hope he didn’t miss as much as I did.