I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My Anger

I dropped off a job at Staples and came back 24 hours later to get it. It had been done incorrectly even though I had left specific instructions not to do it that way. The young attendant apologized, said he knew it was wrong but did it anyway (huh?). He called the manager and offered to run it right away. I said “no sweat, I’ll get it tomorrow”.

24 hours later I arrived. A girl with apologetic voice and eyebrows at 45 degree told me she was overwhelmed and didn’t know what time I needed it. Didn’t know what time??? You are 24 hours late! How could you not have known? This is unacceptable!!! I needed this done yesterday!

I stormed out of the place angry and feeling the eyes of the girl (and whomever was around) in my back spelling B I T C H all over me.

But honestly, didn’t they know the world would come to an end if I didn’t get the job mailed by Thursday? A goal I had set myself and no one knew or cared if I did or not accomplish.

Now 72 hours since I dropped off the job I walked into Staples again. The same girl greeted me with a big smile and offered her apologies again “I am really sorry”. Putting my elbows on the counter and leaning forward (one of the few things I remember about body language: arms crossed mean stay away, leaning forward means I want to be here) I said “no, I am really sorry” (emphasis on " I "). And I was. I had been unreasonably angry over a mistake that in the big scheme of things didn’t mean a thing.

My anger was directed at the Staples girl but it had nothing to do with her. It was the result of earlier frustrations. It had also a residual effect of a panic attack of that morning. It was the outlet of emotions that were totally disassociated from her. But she was in proximity to be my target.

How many times are we the target or make others the target of our anger and walked away wondering “what was that all about?”

Anger is a powerful emotion but its outburst is often the projection of other issues. When channeled properly it can serve as a thrust to make things happen; it is the uncontrolled anger and the one directed at others that can be harmful.