I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Monday, December 29, 2008

Just Another Day

This is one of those posts I might delete after I write. Why bother then, you may ask, don’t know, there is something liberating about writing.

In the next few days I will get the phone call advising me that the colonoscopy is set up. I will be advised to stop eating as of that moment even if my last meal was hours earlier. I will go to the pharmacy and buy the stuff that will make me go to the bathroom for hours and I will drink blue Gatorade.

On the day of, the nurse will put that needle in my already dehydrated arm. Ughhh, sometimes a number of times (can’t poke me more than 3 times, so they get a different person to try the 4th time).

And then I’ll wait.

In the OR, the injection that will make me sleep is added and that feeling, that feeling that makes me wonder if that is how lethal injection is, darkness and then nothing.

And then, that moment after. Waiting. Trying to read in everyone’s expression if they saw something, if the fight will start again.

At some point, I’ll keep my eyes closed or focus somewhere so that I don’t drive myself crazy trying to guess.

There is no point in guessing. Just Pray.

One day it was cancelled and my friend and I got to eat everything in the store, many stores. That is a happy memory. And my last one was also a happy memory.

Pray that this one will be too.