I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Friday, January 02, 2009

New Year Resolutions

"The magic moment is the moment when a “yes” or a “no” can change our whole existence.
Anyone who pays close attention to his day will discover the magic moment.
It might be hidden in the instant that we put the key in the door in the morning,
in the moment of silence after supper,
in the thousand and one things that appear to us to be the same.
This moment exists, a moment in which all the strength of the stars flows through us and allows us to perform miracles." Paulo Coelho

I have never made New Year's Resolutions. If I can wait until tomorrow or next week to start my resolve, I know I’m going to do just that, wait even longer.

I’ll wait until I am ready. Until it clicks.

Tons of people do make New Year’s Resolutions; the gyms are packed for the first two weeks of January and then…business as usual, the resolution doesn't last very long.

If we think about it, a person doesn’t stop drinking the day before or the day after but on the day when their resolve comes from with in, the day when something inside clicks. But what clicks?

I tried running many times in an effort to lose weight. I would run for weeks and then fall off the wagon for months that turned into years always telling myself that soon I would start again. One day I started and never stopped (Run Forest run)

The same thing happened when I tried hard to get over a lost love, the more I tried the harder it got but one New Year’s Eve, after the hugs and wishes around me I realized hours later that for the first time that person had not been my first thought of the new year. Something had clicked.

And also during a bout with a health issue, I spent nights staring at the ceiling angry at God, at what I perceived as unfairness of life. I mourned the loss of friends who had left me after my first bout. I stopped running, eating, sleeping. Until one day.

I woke up and prayed. Called a friend who did want to be with me, ran with him, laughed again and faced my challenge. And the outcome was good.

It was not a resolution, it was not a decision. What clicked inside of me was a choice. The same way that one day running became one with me. It was no longer a forced and desperate attempt at changing, it was my choice.

I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions, but sometimes I make choices and I keep them when they come from within.