I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Another Day in Paradise

There was that familiar feeling when I entered that place I hope will never become familiar.

That place is the hospital I go to for my appointments. I walk in there making no eye contact with anyone. It is a very specific hospital and we all have something in common with each other. I don’t want to read anything in their eyes; I don’t want to see any fear. I have enough of it.

I reached the 4th floor for my appointment. I follow a routine each time; I bless myself as the door opens, I use the bathroom on the second floor. I use the same elevator to the 4th floor. I fear that the magic fairies of fate will allow things to go wrong if I dare disturb my routine.

I am getting ahead of myself.

Today was not so bad, it was not a day when I would await results, days like today are “routine” check ups that in the past I managed to enjoy by adding a little fun after the appointment, maybe a run, a nice dinner, a friend to go with, that kind of fun. But today I was to start a medication my doctor feels might enhance my chances of remaining…healthy. So today, there was not going to be any fun….

The first person walked in the room, asked a number of questions. “Anything new?”
“Yes, I had shingles a month ago”. She excused herself and left the room. I could hear her talk to the doctors outside the exam room.

The first doctor walked in, a good looking fellow I have seen twice before followed by my doctor. He asked more questions about the shingles, how, when, why. Why….? “Yes, are there any stressors in your life lately?”

Should I tell him about the stress I have been under for nearly two years where I have barely functioned and one I have finally overcome? Nah…it wouldn’t change anything. The shingles set in and well…now, the risks of the medication he had recommended outweigh the benefits. “But I’ll get over them at some point” I insisted.

Not so easy. Shingles mean a compromised immune system and for now we hope stress or a “no reason” reason is the cause of them. Stress would actually be a good thing to blame them for! We don’t want to think that it could be something else…but it could.

So I got to go home early after making two more appointments. But I continued my routine for the rest of the day just to be on the safe side and hope all is well. After all, it is just another day in what my normality is, slightly different than other’s but still pretty good.

Did my doctor sound less confident this time? I’ll try not to think that I heard him say “when” as opposed to “if ever” more. After all, he is just my doctor and to him, it is just another day, just like it is for me.