I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Thursday, May 28, 2009

A Fair Trade Off

"If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it." "That which doesn't kill you, serves only to make you stronger". ...

We all have heard those words many times. Over the years I found those same words difficult to assimilate realizing later that their appreciation is a matter of personal growth but mostly of perspective.

After a major abdominal surgery that was followed a few months later by a meniscus tear and then other injuries that have prevented me from running, the latest injury which seems to be the most concerning one that deterred me from running a marathon last week, I must admit my running lately is a figment of my imagination. Will I ever run a marathon again?

I am not sure. My doctors are not sure.

How do I cope with that?

I am not sure I do. Honestly, I don’t put a conscious effort into it. I will try to make it be what I want it to be but eventually it will be what it will be.

That is the way it is in all aspects of my life. I give it my best effort and then, I deal with what it is.

Recently my friend expressed sympathy for my ailments as well as my financial strains. “You need a break”, she said. I smiled and replied “I am getting a break”.

You see, in the last few months I have gone through GYN exams, mammography, colonoscopy, and a catscan. All successfully negative. That, to me, is a break! A matter of perspective, if you will.

In an ideal world my credit cards would have no balance, my relationships would be perfect, my body would feel no pain. But I don’t live in a perfect world, I just have to make it seem that way.

I have learned to appreciate what I have and I have stopped mourning what I don’t. I might wish for more, but I don’t stress over it anymore.

I still work to correct my wrongs and I don’t always succeed. I’ll never be prepared for loss and I never want to be. But in a matter of perspective, I am more equipped now to appreciate my blessings and accept my losses than I have ever been.

And that is just the way I want it to be.