I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Monday, June 08, 2009

Nasty Break Ups

It’s hard to consider a break up being friendly. I, however, dislike nasty ones. No, we don’t have to be best buddies and sit down sipping tea (wine, in my case) after a break up but we don’t have to hate each other’s guts either.

I fail to understand the necessity to be mean and at times cruel in a break up. If there had not been enough good, the relationship would not have started, if there had not been flaws it would not have ended.

Ending relationships that no longer serve us does not have to be packed with destructive actions. Cessation of contact if there is no desire to keep in touch should be done with dignity not followed up by inflammatory remarks of unhealthy nature aimed at hurting the other. I am not referring only to “love” (or lack of) relationships, although those are the ones that make headlines. But relationships in general that end for whatever reason. I don’t believe in burning bridges. I always think of the saying:

“Be careful of whose toes you step on today, they might be connected to the ass you might have to kiss tomorrow”.

There is a law of cause and effect in our lives; simply said we reap what we sow and if “as the world turns” we are placed back in front of the person we hurt, reconnecting in any capacity costs more effort than it would have to leave on a good note. Let’s not forget, whatever we do to others, we do to ourselves.

I also fail to understand what good comes as a result of hurtful actions. Do people move on more quickly when they try to destroy the ones they once claimed to have loved? If not, then what was the point?

Nasty break ups waste an enormous amount of energy denying there was ever any good in the relationship and refusing to see that the influence of the relationship remains in the structure of their being. They rather concentrate on remembering mistakes instead of using the insight of those mistakes to grow in future relationships.

I’d rather be grateful for the valuable lessons of the relationship. I’d rather be grateful for the memories. But when you are the target of a bad break up, it is difficult to keep the good memories.

I resent being robbed of those memories by the hurtful actions of a nasty break up. I resent being robbed of the good I want to remember.

Let me remember you the way I loved you so I can remember you forever.