I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Thursday, August 13, 2009

There are few emotions that I call powerful.

Fear is one of them. I know fear well. I know the strong grip of its claw.

Rejection is another one.

I “fear” rejection.

The feeling of not being good enough, of others being chosen instead of us is a weigh down sentiment.

Dear Applicant:

We have reviewed your credentials and the position has been offered to another candidate whose skills and experience matched more closely our requirements. Thank you for considering us.

Translation: You are not good enough.

There are other forms of rejection, personal rejection that are more cutting, have a more prolonged effect and therefore set more fear on the attempts of reconnections.

The fear of feeling you are not good enough.

I have rejected and I have been rejected. There might be a balance in there.

I know that there have been times when fear and pride didn’t let me act on my own choices and at the end I might have lost due to my stubbornness and my insecurities.

How many relationships are lost in the avoidance of rejection or out of pride, I wonder. A call not made, a card not sent, a hand not extended in fear of being ignored or the fear of receiving a cold curt response.

And we walk away not knowing what it could have been have we tried.

I am tired of letting stubbornness, pride and fear control my life. I am trying to be different now. I bite the bullet. I try, I offer. I forgive, I ask for forgiveness.

And I accept when I am rejected again.