I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Warwick 5K
I have attended this race since I started running. I might have missed it once or twice but since the Race Director was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, I made a point of showing up. I was there to run her last race when, weak from chemo and facing the inevitable outcome of failed treatments, she ran this race for the last time.

I remember she stopped her run to greet me. I had a hard time hiding my emotions. She looked weak, sick. She had no hair and was very skinny. A large group of us ran behind her to the finish line, some of us wearing yellow.

Warwick 5K was held this past Monday, always on Labor Day. It is one of the best races in the Hudson Valley, nice course, live music and a chance to see a lot of people. But I chose not to go this time. No reason. I simply didn’t want to get up early yet one more day. I felt enough people were going to be there in support and I wouldn’t be missed, besides many more would be there for the race itself.

I am feeling the guilt of not doing the right thing. In fact, if I were honest, I’d say that that was one of the reasons why I didn’t go. I am tired of doing the right thing. Of always being there because I have to be, because it is my duty, because it is my call.

But isn’t that what living a good life is all about? Isn’t living a good life pursuing truth, honestly, integrity and doing the right thing?

Well, I didn’t and I feel bad about it.