I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Saturday, October 17, 2009

It's Not the Hill

The sensible thing to do right now would be to lay off running for a while and allow the peroneal nerve or the ligaments or whatever is that is making my left leg hurt heal. And I am doing some of that by attending physical therapy and doing weights (which I dislike) but I can’t simply sit in the back seat and watch.

I need to be there. I need to go a step further than I should. But often, after embracing the challenge, my mind is my worst enemy. But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Today I pushed the envelope and I ran longer than I needed to going with a friend on a very hilly course. Then I took off for more miles letting him know how far I intended to run so he could pick me up when I was done.

Tired after the hills run with my friend, I started fading only two miles after leaving him and I wondered why I was there.

I told myself I had no business being there, I was never going to be able to run another marathon, time to hang the sneakers.

Every step I'm taking. Every move I make feels. Lost with no direction. My faith is shaking

I looked at my phone/mp3 and thought of dialing my friend’s #. “I am done, come get me”.

But at the same time, I knew I could cover the distance I had planned to run if I just kept on pushing. It wasn’t going to be in an optimal time but it was going to get done. And knowing that I could persevere when my spirit, my legs and my mind were fading, was enough to make the climb worth it.

Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb

Ain’t about how fast I got there. Ain’t about what I felt while getting there. It is about making it there.

At some point after those desperate miles, I felt a kind of calmness come and I didn’t think again of quitting. As the miles added on, my legs started hurting, now a normal and expected pain of endurance. I smiled as I covered the last half mile at the same time that my friend slowed down his vehicle to greet me. I opened my arms and embraced him. I had done it.

Running these miles are chances I’m taking. They remind me of the challenges I face, have faced and will sure face later that will try to break me.

The struggles I'm facing. The chances I'm taking. Sometimes might knock me down. But no, I'm not breaking

But like today, I gotta keep trying. Can’t let the challenges break me.

There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be a uphill battle. Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

It’s not always going to be easy. I know. But I’m going to want to do it. It is not the hill I face,

It’s the climb.