I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Me, I, and Myself

During my recovery from a year of continuous injuries, I have conceived a need to run with others. The days when I looked forward to a run alone enjoying a runner’s high have been elusive and for the most part non existent.

In my desperate attempt at finding company, I have tried to accommodate any distance, time, and location that a prospect partner may want, it has been fruitless. Although several friends and club members are training for a marathon in the fall or simply running, I have remained running alone.

There have been those dreaded runs that have hurt from the start. There have been worse ones yet that I have stopped after only a few miles and driven to the gym instead. Cardiovascular, physically and mentally I have felt the need for companion to get me through them.

At times I have driven 45 minutes to the Heritage trail to see people running and walking. Just the sight of other human beings on that trail even if not running with me, has given me the feeling that I am not alone. Strangers it seems have been easier company than acquaintances.

Embarking on a training for a marathon that, due to the constant swelling and pain, I won’t do, is a means to reclaim my confidence and passion. But even in the absence of the ultimate marathon goal, it has forced me to go on long runs in the rain…alone, of course.

But if there is one thing that running has given me is determination. The same determination that I have had to apply to other areas of my life that are not as blessedly simple as running is. Running is the projection of that resilience.

So, I am slowly learning again to rely on the person who should always be there for me, myself. As I head out the door, I have my music, gels and Gatorade to do the miles with me. I know that with them or with company at some point my legs will struggle with the effort. And then, I’ll have to dig deep down inside to find the strength to keep me going, just like I do in other areas of my life that are not so blessedly simple.

It is all inside of me.