I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

In Need Of Peace

I have not been the Sunday church goer. I increased, however, my frequency when I needed God and I resorted to Him with all my might. I felt then that going to church regularly was a good way of showing my gratitude and keeping our relationship fresh.

I still like doing that.

Sometimes I don’t go and I don’t feel so bad. The service is always the same and the sermon doesn’t always reach me and sometimes it loses me quickly.

There are times, however, when I feel the need to walk into that sanctuary for a deeper connection than Mass. It doesn’t necessarily have to be during service. In fact, it is better when it is not. The repetitive nature of the service gets in the way; the singing, the sitting, kneeling and so for gets me sometimes distracted, not always but sometimes. And I don’t want to be distracted. What I want to do is connect to that Supreme Being, Divine force, God.

There are times when I have needed that solitude to talk alone in a voice that is not audible. I have looked at this place for reconciliation, understanding, forgiveness. And many times, most times, serenity, clarity.

I even asked a troubled relationship to walk in there with me one time to look for that clarity we needed. It never happened, the church or the clarity.

But I have found it in other times. It actually happened to me the other day. I missed my Sunday service and I was glad. What I wanted was not going to be satisfied during Mass so I visited on a week day when the attendance was low, the service short and all that silence and time left for me and God.

I kneeled and prayed.

That’s all I wanted.

That’s all I needed.