I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Thursday, December 31, 2009

A Year From My Desk

It is early. No one is in the office yet. I like these few minutes, sometimes up to half an hour before the first person walks in. I’m in charge of opening so everybody else takes their time to come in. I like it. It gives me time to be alone.

Today, I am sitting at my desk thinking of the year ending. I am trying to figure out if I would consider it good or not so good. It has been both. Are all years the same? Probably. And probably I don’t analyze them at all. Today, I am. I am thinking of the past 365 days.

I am looking at copies of the two tickets for the 42nd Street play and dinner I had bought and later resold in an effort to recreate what can not be recreated. It was an idea that never materialized, a wish, a hope.

That is one of the things this year had. Many ideas, illusions, hopes, wishes, that didn’t materialize. Others did.

My running, for one, was plagued by injuries and frustrating doctor’s visits. Plus a diagnosis of progressive arthritis and constant pain for many months that made me wonder for the first time ever if I would run again pain free. Nevertheless, the year ended with a couple of weeks of good runs. The phrase saving the best for last applies.

In spite of shingles and bronchitis, it was yet one more year when, with prayer and faith, I defeated the odds in my health.

A year when our race doubled in size and we were honored for the work we do.

A year in which I started learning to see my kids as adults still keeping the child in them and in me. A new relationship to treasure.

A year when I saw my daughter compete and felt that amazing pride of seeing my child do something out of the ordinary that made me appreciate what other parents feel.

A year where, by total chance and coincidence, I made new friends. A person to laugh with, enjoy a drink with. Someone who respects my downtimes and enjoys my silliness. To you, thank you.

It has been a year when I laughed a lot. And it has also been a time when I felt incredible sadness again. A sadness and loneliness I thought I had moved away from. There it was again, in the later part of the year back as it were the first time.

A year, one more year alive. A year of laughs, and many tears. A year of loneliness and friendship. A year of hope. A hope I don’t want to lose.

In between all the tears I hope.

In all my fear I hope.

With all my new friendships I hope.
In the New Year I hope.