I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Friday, December 18, 2009

Poor Indicator

Jealousy is not a barometer of love, at least not every kind of jealousy.

There is an inevitable jealousy that lingers after we lose someone we have loved. That feeling in the deepest part of our existence that hurts when we see them with somebody else wishing that somehow they could still be with us. It’s love refusing to accept. There is sadness, there is jealousy. Common feelings to the end of an intense relationship.

There is another kind of jealousy that borders on unhealthiness. It is fueled by hard feelings. This jealousy doesn’t seek reconciliation, it is not the fear of losing to someone else, rather they don’t want you but they don’t want you with anybody else either.

This is a jealousy that watches your every move but never puts the information gathered to good use; we’ll never hear “congratulations” or “my deepest condolences” or…”I’m here if you need me”. We know they are there, just not for us. It is a jealousy that hurts.

Basic and simple principle, do no harm.

Not having or wanting someone in our lives should not stop us from extending a hand in need, or empathizing. The true meaning of love is to always wish the one we love(d) well, to rejoice in their triumphs, to mourn their losses.

Jealousy experienced after a break up is normal. It’s the response to the ache that acknowledges how much we loved, how much it hurts to lose them. It is the breaking of the heart accepting the end. It should not hurt or harm anyone. It should not stop us from being present, from reaching out to the person we loved when in need.

A jealousy that hurts and that harms is not an indicator of love.

It binds us to pain. It doesn’t set us free.