I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Instant Replay

We don’t always understand other people. In fact, we seldom do. And the truth is, we don’t have to. It is nice to be able to relate to a person and their actions but that is not always the case.

When my aunt was terminally ill, I had a difficult time understanding the actions of a relative. Her aloofness, detachment and her lack of involvement had me perplexed.

Relaying my feelings to a friend she laid out two options, either accept whatever her reasons may be to act this way or change the way you see her. You can change the way you feel about her.

“You can change the way you feel about her”

That was exactly the trait I hated in my family when I was growing up. How they changed back and forth between liking and disliking someone based on their last actions as if their memories held no history. They’d judge the actor based on the last role they played and changed their minds accordingly.

At an early age, I challenged them “but what about what they did for you before?” “But last year you said you liked her?” “Didn’t you say this about them back then?”

There was of course no logical answer.

Their minds, it seemed, had only an instant replay mode, only the last action on the field determined the outcome of the game.

I hated it. I still do.

I hate the fact that all the good can be wiped out with one action in some people’s heads. That nothing a person does stands the test of time. No matter the magnitude of an action, if a contrary one arises after, it outweighs the one before.

It is unfair.

So my answer that night was “no, not at all”. I could not overlook that person’s goodness, her honesty, integrity and hard work throughout the years because one action -a major one, mind you - was not to my liking.

I may not understand her reasons and I’ll never agree with them. But my disappointment should not and will not outweigh the years of kindness that I witness.

I prefer to look at the whole picture not just the trailer.