I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Two Funerals and No Wedding.

At times more than one of the most detested occurrences happen back to back. This has been one of those times.

When someone we know dies at an old age after suffering a terminal disease, it is sad and it is a loss. I am not sure that death is ever welcome but when most of the natural cycle of life has been fulfilled in a person, death is more easily accepted and so the funeral is sad and their life is remembered and honored.

There was another funeral.

What do we say to a parent who has outlived their child? How does one make sense of what makes no sense? When the life of a young vibrant man is severed unexpectedly, what do we say to a parent who stands next to the coffin, head down, eyes lost, and tears streaming down? How do we make sense of this tragedy that seems and is so unfair?

We don’t.

And while I stood there at the service, I remembered I met him when he was 12, 13 years ago and standing there I remembered that I had anticipated standing there among them at his wedding, not his funeral. And today, there is no wedding, it’s his funeral.

The air was thick with grief. More condensed in one single area than I remember seeing. One of those moments where you want to run away but you want to stay and you want to say and offer so much and there is nothing you can offer that will bring any relief for that life that can not be have back. And you stand there among all the other 400 people thinking that there is no way to embrace what your friends are feeling right at that moment.

“We are destroyed, he was so beautiful” were the words the father said when I called.

“It is so f…g wrong” it’s all I could say in place of any comforting words that escaped me at the moment and still escape me now.

It is.

It is f...ing wrong for a parent to outlive their child.