I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Difference of Opinion

A friend was remembering the time we worked together. Something was said about a former manager. “We’re good now” I offered. Her stare penetrated my skull. “You did what???” “You took all the blame by doing that, you took all responsibility away from her!”.

I was astonished. Frankly, I had never thought of it that way.

She referred to an email I sent a former manager with whom I had had issues. I sent it years after we stopped working together. It simply offered a desire to move forward.

I started explaining the reason why I had sent the email but I realized it didn’t matter. What my friend’s opinion or anybody’s was or how my actions were perceived was not important. I knew, as well as I my manager did, the truth. Nothing I said or did would ever change the past but it could change the present.

The purpose of my communication with my manager had nothing to do with blame. Mine or hers, or both. But it had all to do with relieving myself of the heavyness resentment. I had not offered an apology, but I had offered to leave the past behind. I had nothing to gain other than to offer peace for both of us.

An apology should neither justify nor look for an outcome other than to acknowledge our wrongdoing. Should something positive come out of it, that’s icing on the cake but it should not be the purpose of it. Taking a step to move forward, to relieve ourselves from resentment does not wipe out what was done in the past and does not change history, but it sets the ground for freedom of hard feelings. We both knew what the past was and we both were ready to move forward. I did not regret initiating my email one iota.

I didn’t say much. I respected my friend’s position. I was happy with my actions and there was no need to defend them.

We changed the subject.