I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Half Full Glass

I have that feeling of numbness, drunkenness without drinking.

Palpitations, sweaty shaky hands. Lack of coordination. That is not a symptom, I am always uncoordinated.

There is that foggy feeling like floating. I remember that feeling as I walked to my car after seeing the doctor some 9 years ago. That must be the space created when the mind refuses to see reality. It creates space, fog, nothingness.

Things have been good. Pieces falling back or for the first time in place. Prayers answered.
I am thinking of all the prayers said for my own objectives that robbed prayers from good people. Prayers for their wellbeing.

“This would be a hell of a time for his luck to run out now” I remember that line from a book by Jacqueline Susann.

Does luck run out when the glass is full? Do we ever make it to the full glass? Or do we come to a yield sign when we approach fullness?

It is a rough spot right now. The glass seems half empty, emptying. Not sure where to go from here. Might come back to write more, might close the damn thing altogether even if I keep writing, I always have. Only difference is that the pieces go in my purse, my car, drawers. Or back here.

Right now, right this minute the anxiety and frustration are overpowering faith and reason. Faith will come back to take over, it always does. I have faith that it will.

Gotta give it time. Time is all we need.

And prayers.