Easy From A Distance
Something in a conversation made me think more deeply at the subject of abuse. The topic mainly was battered women who stay in abusive relationships for so long and not leave. How can a person stay while being abused? The statement that triggered my interest was the “they stay because they want to”; “I would never put up with that”.It is always so easy to know what to do when it isn’t us. To know the answers when it is not our question.
It can’t be that simple.
Abused people feel trapped. They must! Their abusers make sure of that. There is isolation that they thrive on and that neighbors, friends and families endorse. It is not uncommon for relatives and friends to remind the person that their present situation it is not as bad or “that is what you chose, stick with it.”
There are many types of abuse and not all physical but they all share similarities. The partner enjoys the control and feeling of superiority they receive by treating the other person substandardly.
There is extreme emotional abuse, a feeling created by repetition that the person is not worth the love of anyone. They deserve the treatment they are receiving, if they were not who they are they would be treated differently; they would be worthy of love; they deserve the abuse because they are no good. Basically, guilt is install in them. It is "your fault" this is happening. Their self esteem is destroyed little by little until the person believes what she or she is being told. “You are no good.”
It is more common than we want to admit. It is not easy to break away from that cycle. And even after breaking away from it it’s not easy for the self esteem to be renewed either. It will be a long time before a person believes they can be loved and appreciated.