That Familiar Feeling
There was a familiarity to this day, the kind you never want to be familiar with.
The breeze was cold, my lungs struggled to breath the chill of the morning during my run.
I am again in this city I have come to relate with emergencies, tragedy, doctors, hospitals. A large contrast to what it has always been; fun, runs, laughs, friends.
The heaviness in my eyes, the result of less hours of sleep than I need, is also familiar. I turned a corner and see people busy with their day, kids walking to school, cars barely stopping at red lights while I cross the street.
There is a large feeling of impotence to this new turn of events in the life of someone I love dearly. I have to get my run in before going back to the hospital. I had to stop at a light to compose and continue my run.
Funny how we relate places and moments with feelings and emotions, there are memories that bring back anxiety, tears, sadness. Today my mind is remembering moments like that, remembering that months ago I ran these streets awaiting the passing of my aunt. I am remembering that day. And when one strong emotion invades me others of similar nature follow. Other memories assault me, some totally unrelated. I am remembering the days when I would rush to a bathroom to hide my sadness. Sadness is a powerful emotion and not a very useful one. It renders us worthless far longer than any emotion should.
But there are times when we can’t do anything other than feel what we need to feel. Today seems to be one of those days.
Today is familiar, way too familiar.