I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Saturday, November 27, 2010

A Holiday Not To Be Alone

I got off the car on a non stopping area where I spotted the only liquor store open on my 2 hour ride. I motioned my family to drive on and find parking (and avoid the ticket if they stayed there). I’d walk the last two blocks to my cousins’ house.

The liquor store was filled with people like me (40-some females curly hair…). Those who like me are poor planners and leave important details like wine to the last minute. There was a man who took a scotch pint. I thought that he might be the only one enjoing scotch during dinner or…he might be the only one.

I walked up the two blocks to my cousin’s house in the brisky air of November noticing those around me. A long bus line awaited on 78th Street. Some wearing their work clothes, some seemingly unaware of the feast perhaps due to culture differences. Others, aware of the feast, looking down, smoking their cigarette. No place to go but home, whatever they call home. One woman looked at me as she crushed her cigarette butt with her foot. She looked at the bag in my hand and smiled then she looked away.

I thought of asking her if she had a place to go but there are holidays that beg to be accompanied but people we love. Being with just anyone to pass the time, does not do the trick. Thanksgiving is one of them.

Maybe every holiday is like that. We might find an excuse to clean house, pull weeds, watch reruns but if we had the opportunity to be with someone we enjoy, we would choose their company. Not any company. Someone we enjoy.

There was cheerfulness in the air that night but my senses also detected loneliness in the eyes of the bystanders. Easily done because my eyes have had that look in them and can recognize it easily now.

Thanksgiving does that, I think. It evokes that feeling of being with someone we love, and it marks our loneliness more strongly even in the company of others, or more so in the company of others.