I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Sunday, January 09, 2011

Still Don't Have It

I purposely did a 5K. To some runners that means nothing, for me it’s a big deal. I hate racing short distance. I detest 5Ks and the only ones I do are the ones my friends direct.

I have always downplayed racing; “I don’t feel good”; “I’m running with so and so”; “I’m taking pictures”; and my latest and honest one “I am training for a marathon”. Those are good excuses but the honest and simple truth is I hate racing.

I am more honest about my feelings than I am about my running…maybe that is a good thing.

While training for a marathon it's hard to find any speed with tired legs. In my case it has always been hard to find speed. But after my Steamtown Marathon I decided that I might need that acute form of pain – why? Don’t ask. There is no logical explanation why a runner subjects him/herself to pain.

What made me think I might need that pain was this. It was illogical to run a 30K in training on tired legs in 2:55 and yet get to the marathon and feel tired at mile 8 after 3 weeks of taper, so I decided I needed to mix some short races into my schedule, makes no sense to me or others, but that’s what I decided.

Today I went with my friends, a full car of runners, to do a 5K and while my friends were impressed with my 17 miles of yesterday, I wondered how on Earth would I find any energy to run more. But it was not about energy or strength today, it was about courage. It was about feeling myself in the middle (yeah, right… more like in the back) trying to push myself. It was about pushing through that acute pain I try to avoid.

And I didn’t.

I ran probably more than I thought I could, a bit over my comfort level, but still not at that acute level everyone talks about.

And I hated it! But I’ll do it again, after all the breakfast after is really good.