My mother was on a perennial quest to get me married. She must have thought in angst she’d be stuck with me forever. I don’t blame her for fearing that. But I also wonder if she thought I was so unattractive I would never land a partner of the opposite sex.
Yes, it was a bit embarrassing when she noticed a man who talked to me, she would approach him with that mischievous smile while staring at him all along until she made contact. She would be all over this man inundating him with invitations and subjecting him to a not so subtle interrogation not without dropping hints about the perfect wife I would make.
On the epic day when I told her a guy had told me (not proposed!) that he was interested in getting married – kind of an open statement, as in to “anyone” – and I could be “it” my mother was happy. So what if you don’t love him enough to spend the rest of your life with him? So what if you don’t feel butterflies when you see him? Hardly anyone does and after many years marriages are just content to be together, she prophesized. Thankfully I was not as desperate as she was and I declined being “it”.
Eventually and not due to marriage, I left the nest, but that did not give her the peace of mind I wish my independence would provide. She remained on her perpetual quest always looking for that Mister Right or Mister So So (as long as he put a ring on my finger) for me.
I am now a mother and I hope to God not to put that pressure on my little angel (I was an angel too). As a mother I take a back seat in her choices realizing that her marriage is not a reflection on my status, but on her happiness. I am not looking for Mister Right; I am looking for the person she will love forever or at least for a long time. I hope for her a love that she will look forward to wake up every morning, and a love that will allow her the comfort to lay down peacefully at night.
I wish for her happiness and if that happiness does not include a Mister, that will be okay too. After all, I wouldn’t mind sharing my space with her, she might have a different feeling about that, though.