I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Sunday, October 06, 2013

I Don't Know Why



It’s been a while since I’ve written.  Some ideas, as brilliant as they may appear in my head, never make it to paper. Others, as I’ve gotten down to writing, have been so pathetically uninteresting that I have not finished them or even saved them. Typing them was more effort than the idea deserved.
A runner’s block? Perhaps.

It is not for lack of events that would incite my creativity. There have been monumental incidents that have shaken me to the bone and have spurred a number of articles in my head, but not far from the start I have stopped to question life with a simple why? Why is this happening and not having been able to come to terms with the answers I have not finished the piece. I don’t want to give in to negative writing of hopeless feelings, but it has been difficult to form any coherent ideas that are not stumped by my unanswered questions.  

Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?

When my friend's son died in an excursion of a group of 60 young men and women, I didn’t wish that heartbreak on anyone, but I couldn’t help ask why  her, why is this happening to someone like her? No one deserves a tragedy of that magnitude, and certainly not her.  My emotions of that day were engraved in an imaginary conversation with my friend.  Many others were written on pieces of paper that I didn’t keep simply because they all ended with the same question, why?

Other tragic events followed suit in the next few months; a poor prognosis of another friend, a suicide of someone’s daughter,  and the question of the fairness of life has grown stronger.

Looking for an explanation that could quench my thirst for an answer, I have turned to many religions and I have not found anything to satisfy my perplexity.  

There is no explanation that can possibly explain the insurmountable pain some suffer.  No scriptures citing; no deep soul searching can help me understand why.

I don’t question my faith. However,  I question my lack of understanding to the presence of evil when there is so much good.  And after trying to comprehend the mysteries of life, I can only give myself one simple explanation:  shit happens and when it does, it sucks. 

The fourth-century saint Augustine says, "God would not allow any evil to exist unless out of it he could draw a greater good. This is part of the wisdom and goodness of God." True.  Some people will do good with their tragedy, but they would have done as much good on their own without having to suffer this deeply. Why put them through this to get the same result?

Why? Why? 

I, at times, fall into that dark side looking to blame what is happening on some sublime viciousness and cruelty. In spite of my doubts, I must remember that there is good in the world. Good things do happen to good people and all people. There are children saved, cures discovered, happiness found.  Good things happen around us all the time and we miss it most often because we are easily inclined to concentrate on the wrong that is happening infrequently and we allow the least to become the most. Our humanity at its best.

It is necessary for me today to make an effort to remember that there is a trade off. Some lives are saved as others must perish and I must try harder to remember there is good and good happens to all people. Such is life.