I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Forgiveness

Forgive you. I cannot forgive you. Not before I forgive myself because if there is one at fault it is me.  Me. Not you.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You were yourself from the start and I wanted to believe you were different than what you have always been. 

I don’t need to forgive you.  I need to forgive myself.

For believing and thinking it would be different the 3rd and the 4th time. For still hoping for a 5th.

Forgiving myself for wanting to make real what never was.

For chasing what I should have run away from instead.

Forgiving myself for wanting to heal a wound by making it deeper.

For mistaking you for a raft and sinking even deeper.

For not learning to swim alone.

I need to forgive myself for believing the third, fourth time. For waiting for a fifth time.

I cannot forgive you. Not until I forgive myself.