You didn’t do anything wrong. You were yourself from the start and I wanted to believe you were different than what you have always been.
I don’t need to forgive you. I need to forgive myself.
For believing and thinking it would be different the 3rd and the 4th time. For still hoping for a 5th.
Forgiving myself for wanting to make real what never was.
For chasing what I should have run away from instead.
Forgiving myself for wanting to heal a wound by making it deeper.
For mistaking you for a raft and sinking even deeper.
For not learning to swim alone.
I need to forgive myself for believing the third, fourth time. For waiting for a fifth time.
I cannot forgive you. Not until I forgive myself.