I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Wednesday, June 25, 2014


Forgive you. I cannot forgive you. Not before I forgive myself because if there is one at fault it is me.  Me. Not you.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You were yourself from the start and I wanted to believe you were different than what you have always been. 

I don’t need to forgive you.  I need to forgive myself.

For believing and thinking it would be different the 3rd and the 4th time. For still hoping for a 5th.

Forgiving myself for wanting to make real what never was.

For chasing what I should have run away from instead.

Forgiving myself for wanting to heal a wound by making it deeper.

For mistaking you for a raft and sinking even deeper.

For not learning to swim alone.

I need to forgive myself for believing the third, fourth time. For waiting for a fifth time.

I cannot forgive you. Not until I forgive myself.