I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Thursday, August 21, 2014

A Twelve Step

The call comes early in the morning and then on your drive to work.
An email midday. Another one to touch base. A text in between and a call just because.
 A cup of coffee dropped off to your office, maybe catch a quick lunch? How about a quick glass of wine, it’s been such a long day.
That’s how it starts and soon it becomes part of your day, you even look forward to it. You miss it even if in the beginning you found nothing interesting about it. And one day you are lost without it.
An addictive relationship has started. From then on, it’s a rollercoaster with short lived but extreme highs and a plenitude of long depressing lows that take away the enjoyment of the adventure, but keeps you on an emotional ride where the tears are always flowing and the demands never met.
Unlike a chemical substance, this addiction speaks to you in your face and calls you by your name (and many other names) with constant put downs, so many that after a while you have a hard time recognizing who you are or seeing any worth in you. 
The dysfunction of this relationship will make you feel loved while you are being mistreated. The outburst of jealousy and anger, the nastiness and hurtfulness will be seen by you as tokens of endearment.  The longer you stay the longer you’ll learn to expect nothing more because you will believe that you don’t deserve any better.
You will struggle and cry and beg when this relationship ends. You will have a hard time thinking there is life outside of this because you heard a million times that no one will love you this way. It will be a long time before you understand how lucky you are for that statement to be true. You will recognize eventually that you were never loved and you’ll pray you’ll never allow this again in your life.
Emerging from the depths of the addiction is difficult and it will only come when there is a desire to reclaim oneself back. It will take the same spiritual steps - twelve or more -to overcome an addictive relationship as it would a substance dependency. Except that in the latter people will condemn the substance while some will applaud the abuser.