I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Monday, September 22, 2014

It's All In How You Say It

When I accepted a job in New Jersey, a five hour commute, I never thought I would be bailing out so quickly. It was not the commute, nor the early mornings, not even the difficulty in finding time to get my running done.  What did it for me was the training provided by a young woman in my department.

It was not that I didn’t need the training, it was the way the young woman delivered it.

It’s all in the delivery.
My drafts were returned with red marks all over.  My questions were answered with subtle put downs “You spelled that incorrectly” or straight out “Why would you even ask that question?” “One must be blind not to see this” “We went over this already”. After many previous successful jobs exceeding goals and achievements, she succeeded in making me feel inadequate and incompetent.  I left the company and its good benefits when I realized she was totally oblivious to the effect of her words and actions and as such her demeaning remarks would never cease. It was time to jump ship.
I’d rather lose a good opportunity than compromise my peace of mind.
Basic Management 101: Avoid at all cost to humiliate and undermine the person. Negative feedback to employees, subordinates or co-workers yields negative outcome.
It is more productive to offer professional feedback that highlights good performance, encourages accomplishments and offers “constructive criticism” in areas in need of improvement. Keep in mind that “constructive” means building not demolishing.
Unfortunately, a training situation is seized by the closet bully as an opportunity to belittle someone; a chance they don’t get in other areas of their lives.  

The belittling ways of my trainer, and her constant impulse to put me down made me feel oppressed as when facing a bully.  I am not afraid to be told I’m wrong. I am not against learning the right or better way to accomplish a goal, but I will not tolerate belittling nor demeaning.  Not at this stage in my life.
It is not what it’s said, it’s in how it’s delivered. A good message is delivered openly, warmly, and directly. It does not belittle nor humiliates a person. When it does, it’s time to jump ship.