I write about my life and life itself seen through my eyes for who can write through the experiences of others if not their own?

Thursday, November 05, 2015

The Marathon and the Catscan.


The anticipation of the marathon feels so much like the anticipation of my test. I am afraid of both. The difference is I choose one, I was chosen for the other.

I stand on the field in silence waiting for the gun to go off. I don’t make eye contact. I don’t want anyone to talk to me.  I want to get this show on the road. Get through it and finish so I don’t have to fear it more.
I have no confidence as I stand there in anticipation. I don’t know how it will go. I don’t know what the final result will be. Years of doing many of these don’t give me confidence. It is still unknown until I cross the finish line and know that I did okay.
I sit in the waiting room waiting for the nurse to get me. I close my eyes and pray. I don’t make eye contact. I don’t want anyone to ask me why I am there. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I wish I could bypass this moment. Not go through it. I want to be done.  I want to get out of there and resume my life.
Years and years of going through it have not made it any easier.
Still, I realize how lucky I am to have the chance to go through it when so many others can’t.
I am lucky and I am afraid. I am grateful.