There has been the occasional spark of curiosity, now that I live in a country of immigrants where everybody knows about their ancestors, to know where the light brown hair I inherited and the green eyes I didn’t come from. But other than that, I never made much of an effort to find my father.
What would I say to a man who didn’t make many memories with me, and some of the few I have are of a child hiding under a bed afraid of being taken away from my mother? There were no answers he could have ever provided and I never had any questions I cared to ask.
I did make a phone call in my early 20s and located my uncle. A very pleasant man, he told me my father lived in another city and didn’t visit much. “Like a comet, we only see him every so many years” He told me there were other children he had fathered and that, as important of information, didn’t resonate with me. I hang up and never made another effort.
I grew up with a brother whom I love dearly. We played, we made memories. We are siblings of blood and upbringing. I had no desire to find any others that were not part of my life. Like my father, what would say to a complete stranger?
I found one of my brothers. I couldn’t be happier.
It’s like realizing I’ve been living in the corner of my existence and I’ve found pieces to the rest of the puzzle.
And I did have a lot of questions to ask this complete stranger who after a few messages felt comfortable like an old friend.
This is not about locating a man who walked away from me. It’s not about the past. It’s about the present and getting to know a person who will help me complete the puzzle.